Please help me edit this?

i have this marketing assignment and i need to explain why a product works...i have done so as shown below...but i need to remove all the fluff without removing the meaning,,,,can you help me reduce the number of words without taking out the message..here it is

You see the reasons why most of us are losing hair and have just dry horrible hair is due to several factors 鈥搕he common ones are stress, the environment and age! But the biggest culprit is an unclean scalp and hair follicles,

Let me explain why using commercial hair products is the worst thing you can do for you hair!

You see , most other commercial hair products like shampoos, hair dyes, chemically treatments contain toxins and petroleum that may temporarily clean your hair and give you longer, nicer and more manageable hair , but these products are double edge swords that come with harmful side effects that will make your hair condition worse than ever before鈥?br>

The result is that these chemicals stick onto your scalp and hair follicles and the result is that you get plugged hair pores which leads to thinning hair , bald patches and hair loss, and because these product are also not water soluble, they will coat your hair follicles and make your hair heavy, dry, frizzy and you will always end up with bad uncooperative hair鈥nd it gets worse because whatever hair products you use will not be able to do its work because your hair follicles are already coated 鈥o you end up getting bad hair days, smelly frizzy hair, dry hair, an itchy scalp, poofy hair and hair that will just not cooperate with you鈥?

Please help me edit this?

Dry hair and bad quality hair are mainly due to stress, the environment and age. However the first factor is an unclean scalp and hair follicles,

The use of commercial hair products is the worst thing you can do for you hair!

Moost commercial hair products, whether shampoos, hair dyes, or chemical treatments contain toxins and petroleum that will temporarily clean your hair and give you longer, nicer and more manageable hair, but these eventually caus harmful side effects that will make your hair condition worsen quickly.

These chemicals stick onto the scalp and hair follicles and as a result the pores get clugged which leads to thinning hair , bald patches and hair loss., In addition, these product are not water soluble so they will coat your hair follicles and make your hair heavy, dry, frizzy. The condition then worsens because the hair is coated and therefore resistant to new products. The result: bad hair days, smelly frizzy hair, dry hair, an itchy scalp, poofy hair and hair that will just not cooperate with you鈥?

Please help me edit this?

The major reasons for most of us losing hair and having just dry horrible hair is due to several factors

鈥搕he common ones are stress,

--the environmental pollution

and the age!

But the biggest culprit is an unclean scalp and hair follicles,

Let us see why using commercial hair products is the worst thing one can do for ones hair!

You see , most commercial hair products like shampoos, hair dyes, chemical treatments,etc contain toxins and petroleum that temporarily clean your hair.Leaving you with longer, nicer and more manageable hair , but these products are double edge swords that have inbuit harmful side effects that will make your hair condition worse than before鈥?br> The result of using these chemicals is they stick onto your scalp and hair follicles, resulting in plugging of hair pores leading to thinning of hair , bald patches and hair loss. Also since most of these products are not water soluble, they coat your hair follicles making your hair heavy, dry, frizzy and you always end up with bad uncooperative hair鈥nd it gets worse because whatever hair products you use are not able to work because your hair follicles are already coated 鈥o you end up getting bad hair days, smelly frizzy hair, dry hair, an itchy scalp, poofy hair and hair that will just not cooperate with you鈥? how about this try and see its your words simply rewritten